Family is What Matters Most

On April 20th, my aunt Karri passed away from complications to the cancer she fought for four, long years.  She was my grandparents' third of the four children, and my dad's older.  She was diagnosed with endometrial cancer four years ago.  She was in remission for some time, but the cancer kept coming back, bringing other complications and unpleasant experiences.  Through it all, Karri was strong and determined to beat it.  My family is very close already, both physically and emotionally, and these past four years have only brought us closer as we've rallied around Karri and her husband, Jerry and their four kids to become an even more supportive family group.  

It was definitely a shock to receive the news that Friday about Karri, even though she had been in the hospital for the week, with my family never leaving her side.  I suppose it's been a bit harder for me, being away from my family and not being able to see how things and life have changed in the past few months.  All I remember from Friday was a blurring of texting, calls and making plans with my brother and father to come home for the funeral.  My boss Susan was very kind and understanding, and I made it through the day and almost collapsed from the emotional overload.  Kenny drove from Rexburg that night and got in about 3 AM that morning.  He spend Saturday and Sunday with us.  I worked until 2:30 on Monday and we left Moscow about 3:15 and just drove and drove and drove.  Zak had to stay because it's almost finals week for him and we are moving in the next week, but sent his love.  Kenny and I got home around 6:30 on Tuesday morning.  It was a long ride, and I did my best not to be the most nagging big sister ever.  Although a few times I was a bit fearful for us.

It was so wonderful to be home, even for 48 hours.  I am so glad I was able to make it.  Tuesday night we had a big family dinner at my grandparents', with food provided by longtime family friends.  It was a mixture of emotions being there: sad and heartbroken under the circumstances, but so happy to be surrounded by almost my entire family on my dad's side.  I had lost my voice (Zak's been sick and I sang all the way to CA), so it was hard to not be able to talk as much as I wanted.  So I just gave everyone hugs and smiles and just soaked up as much time as I could with them.

Wednesday was the funeral and/or Life Celebration.  In the LDS church, the funerals tend to be not as sorrowful as other funerals might be.  Because we believe in a life after this earth, an eternal and celestial one surrounded by loved ones, the majority of the meeting tries to focus on the life of the individual who has passed.  But that's not to say the pain and suffering isn't there.  It was definitely a very raw, emotional day.  All of my cousins, except for the one younger than me, Dani (serving a mission in Russia), were able to be there, because we know how fundamentally important family is.  And because our aunt Karri was so special and wonderful.  Jenna and I contributed by playing some light piano music during the viewing time.  Playing the piano helped me focus on something, rather than the sadness I felt.  It was nice to be able to help out, even in a small way.  My older cousin Sasha put together four fabulous slideshows about Karri and they played in a separated room that was set up with lots of pictures and mementos.

The service was wonderful.  My dad and aunt Kim tag-teamed the eulogy and did an incredible job.  They talked about Karri's enthusiasm, kindness, friendliness, sunny personality, determination.  It was so great.  My grandma spoke about Karri, as did her four kids.  That was a bit of a difficult thing, to listen to her kids, my cousins, the kids I've grown up with, and to hear their sorrow and heartbreak from losing their mom at such a young age.  I put myself in their shoes and I know I wouldn't be as strong as they've had to be.  When Allie, the youngest (18) started speaking, I lost it.  I just wanted to wrap my arms around here and take every pain away from her.  She has turned into such a mature and beautiful young woman and I'm so proud of her.  My uncle gave an excellent talk as well.  Everyone did an excellent job.

The musical numbers were hard to listen to.  Music has always been so important in my life.  It always causes an emotional reaction.  The closing song was, 'God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again' and I bawled the entire time.  That hymn has always made me cry.  It was sung at my grandma's funeral ten years ago and I always think of her when I hear it.  And now to associate my aunt and my grandma with it was too much to handle.  I was so glad to have Sasha next to me to hold me as we cried and cried, although I wish Zak would've been there.  It was rough to not have him with me.

After the church ceremony (which was packed, my family has lived in the area for 50 years, everyone knows my grandparents, my dad, uncle, aunts....it was incredible to see how many people were there), our family and close friends had a short service at the grave-site.  I would've liked to say something, but I literally had no voice to be able to express my feelings.  But I would've talked about how Karri always made me smile and laugh, she always wanted to talk--about boys, music, movies, whatever.  She was so friendly and I loved hanging out at her house with my cousins because she had great treats and was so caring.  Afterwards we had a luncheon back at the church.  There was an enormous amount of food!  Our family numbers in the 30s already, but close friends were there too, and there was a ton of food to take home, even after seconds and thirds.  My mom told me that all of the people who made the food and arranged it all volunteered, not a single person was contacted to help.  Everyone wanted to help.  She said that isn't always the case.  Which made me realize how loved our family really is.  And how much of an influence Karri had on the people she knew.

pictures of Karri

Karri as a child, teenager

my aunt Jackie arranged this, my dad & brother helped set it up 

viewing room

the flowers on the right are from my family and the rest of the siblings; as soon as I saw them, I thought they were perfect--Karri loved bright pinks and purples 

Uncle Jerry and daughter Allie

playing piano with Kenny

my parents and Grandma Myrth

Kenny & Jenna

Aunt Kim, my parents & Kenny

Cousins Sasha & Matt (Karri's second oldest), Jenna

Daddy w/Annalise, my cousin's baby, she apparently adores him!

oldest son Brandon with Allie

the following day with all the flowers over the grave

While my visit was much shorter than I or anyone would've liked, I was so glad and grateful I was able to make it.  It was imperative that I be there.  There was no question in my mind.  I'm sure it helped my family to have me there, but it helped me even more to be there in person.  It has been rough, being away from my family, especially at a time like this.  And to be able to hug my mom forever or snuggle up with my sister made me feel so much better.  And it really hit me how important family is.  I've always known that.  And I'm sure I thought that ten years ago, but having grown up a bit more, to have such a traumatic experience and being able to understand and see how it affects the one you love more than anything just hit me.  It was so hard to leave everyone, but at least I'll be able to see them all at the beach in L.A. in June.